My pain

Again, I fell from my bike. This is not the first time.
The more I fall the more painful it gets, it so painful that I begin to feel numb.
I have no more tears to share.

I wish someone would come to my heart and stay one night to understand the misery and pain that I'm going through. Yes, I have no illness disease, no losing of my family member, my country do not have the earthquake like in Haiti but my heart is grieving with so much pain of the experience of falling from the bike. It was one of the most challenging lesson of my life. And.. I'm still learning.

I asked the Lord, "God, would you spare me?" I have enough, I would not want to ride a bike anymore. I could not understand why will I still fall from the bike even though I have did all the best that I can to prevent myself from falling and I was riding with all the protection and with great care.

"Not again.." I was telling the Lord.

I took a moment, and just be quiet before Him because at this point I could not cry anymore. I begin to listen.

I was reading a book from Elisabeth Elliot and here she quote from Paul "What do you possess that was not given you?"

God has given me everything and I need to acknowledge that all the event and things in my life was permitted by Him. It is not out of control that I fell again but it is in HIS control, so I fell.

And because all from God, all i need to offer it back to Him.

"Having given my all, I may specifically offer my time, my work, my prayers, my possessions, my praise, and --- yes --- my sufferings." -EE

I then put out my both of my hand and lift it up toward heaven and say, "Lord, I offer this suffering to you. This suffering comes from You and I accept the lessons you want to teach me behind it."

The thought of the songs "Blessed be Your Name" where the lyrics sang
"You gave and take away
You gave and take away
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name."

The power to offer up our suffering to God is a step to victory but it does not mean the pain will be gone in a zap. It will still be there... but the different will be, you able to walk through this thorny road with a HOPE. HOPE knowing that God is at the other side, opening His arms waiting to say, "Well done, my faithful daughter."

May the name of Christ be praise and glorified.